The Search For An Escape

I made a mistake.

I ended up giving into the "Nice-but-a-bitch-when-drunk" girl, and it went terribly wrong. We went for a simple meal together, and things were going swimmingly well. We chatted for an hour before even ordering, had an amazing meal, and found out we had so much in common.

Her aims in life seem to be roughly the same as mine. It's also interesting to note that she is sick of the scene, as she has a semi reputation there. It was one of those talks where you divulge so much, and you both get wrapped up in the conversation that you don't notice anything around you. I felt myself falling big time.

I should have known it was too good to be true.

We ordered some wine with desert, and I'd had a couple of glasses, but noticed every now and then that she was drinking *way* faster than what I was. We went through the jolly stages of alcohol, and I stayed there; until she started getting way loud. All of a sudden she randomly started ranting and raving about her ex, and about how much of a bitch she had been to her (three years ago, might I add) and that she hated women.

I endured this for a while, just to be polite, until all of a sudden she turned on me for looking at and talking to another woman (might I also add here that said woman was the male waitress, who I asked for a glass of water) and about how much of a slut I am (excuse me.....what?) and that I'm "Just like the rest of them" and how "I deserve to rot in hell". She was being overly mean, and was making a scene in front of the restaurant, so much so that I thought that the waiters might have to intervene.

Now, I'm not a mean person, but when she left to go to the bathroom, I quickly swiped her cell from the table, and found my number and deleted it. I also did the same to mine. I left a quick note on the table explaining that I had to leave as I felt uncomfortable and not at all safe. I also left enough money for a cab for her, as I wanted to try and put my mind at ease that she'd get back to her place ok.

I'm feeling kind of guilty; I think that the actions I took were the right ones, but I'm not overly sure. Her place isn't far from mine, so I took a quick drive by to see if she got back ok, and she was on her lawn with her dog, so I know she is safe. I just feel......well.......bad.

I know there is no way that we can make this work, I mean, for a second official date, I think that was pretty much over as soon as it began. But I feel guilty for how she is/isn't feeling now.

I know that she has been bitching about me on the gay scene, as I have heard a few rumours. Some saying that I slept with her multiple times (I never slept with her), some saying that I left with someone from the restaurant that I had been talking to (would that be the male waiter?) and others just saying how much of a bitch I am.

Any thoughts/suggestions would be much appreciated, even if it is telling me how much of a heartless bitch I am.

E

A Search For The Scene

I've decided that, for now, I will be leaving the three girls from the last post to another day. I'm appreciating all of the advice that has been flooding the email, the private messaging on After Ellen, and the couple of private comments on here.

I'm going to wait until there is more of a broad opinion of which path I should take. Never fear ASFL readers, I will be documenting it all in here. All of the ups and downs, embarrasments and "Oh my god, she didn't?" moments. As a side note; take a quick look over to the right, and you can now subscribe to the posts by email/RSS, a nifty device which I thought I should add to the blog.

So, how are things in the search? Well, there hasn't been much improvement. I went out after posting the blog, as promised, got drunk, had a good time, and got a couple of girls numbers. Unfortunately, I got drunk enough to drop my cell down a vent in the sidewalk, which has messed plans up with getting in contact with those girls.

I lose at all things in life when it comes to dating. For christs sake, I can't even get the mobile containing the numbers home, never mind a girl home. Jeez.

I think my next step should be to head out to a few new places, join a couple of clubs, get out more. Eventually I've come to realize that being surrounded by my straight friends is not always the best option when wanting to date. It took me three months to realize this. Once again, I lose.
So how do you go about making gay friends? Don't get me wrong, I have friends which are gay, but most of them are all smug gays with their smug relationships. Boo to you! Boo! I've been delving into it recently, trying to make an action plan of what to do, where to go etc etc. Firstly, I think that trying out different gay bars would be the best option. At the moment, I tend to frequent one in a city which has a gay scene of around 20 bars/clubs. For I am a fool. The second step is definitely to get out there more, interact in different ways. I have been looking into gay friendly sports teams (I suck at sports. Seriously. You'd rather have a drag queen wearing six inch heels in goal than me), Gay friendly book reading (What? I have to read a book and it isn't even about gays? Boo!) and Gay meet ups (Bah!! Lots of people!! Bah!!) which I don't think are the right routes for me at the moment....

So, readers, once again I rely on your handy selves. As most of my readers are heading over from Afterellen.com - How would you go about integrating yourself into the gay scene? Any suggestions?

I think that one of my worries about being out on the scene, is getting too involved within it. I know friends who have worked for years to be integrated within the scene, and then have come to regret it, learning that everyone who they have been with, has ultimately been with everybody else. Is there anyway to avoid this? Surely the only way to do this would be to stay away from the scene, which would then prevent anyone from dating. Plus, if everyone has been involved with everyone, how do you know who to trust? Who has the hidden agenda hiding away, or even if they have an agenda at all?

It's all very confusing, and nerve wracking, but I'm sure that after a few spirits knocked back, I'll have the confidence to get out there.

As we can all see, this search is revealing me as turning me into an alcoholic. Huzzah!